Much of the first half of this year, I tackled taking on work related topics each month, in hopes of building a little more skill with each focus area. Last month, I switched gears and spent the month focused on editing my house to feel more like a "home," and learning to embrace the fact that it's perfect for now - and not feeling complacent for making the best of a place even if it's not my "dream home."
The month of June was again spent focusing on building a little stability in our lives; we made the decision to adopt a rescue puppy. Her name is Charlie, and she came home to live with us today.
This wasn't a decision made lightly. We said goodbye to our family dog Miles several years ago when E and I split up. The dog went to live with him in Connecticut, and though I know in my heart living with E was a better choice for him at that point, it felt like just one more piece of my former life to say goodbye to.
My kids and I love animals. When Miles left our house, Gianna supplemented with two guinea pigs. They are actually pretty good little pets, but clearly don't offer the same kind of companionship a dog does. After about a year of discussion, we decided to look into adopting a new friend.
Dogs are fun, for sure. They are also a lot of work. So what pushed me over the edge? I have been hit hard lately of the reality I am facing in five years.
Five years from now, my kids will be gone from our home. It will just be me. While it is exciting to think of the infinite possibilities that reality offers, it's also really sad. So by building a relationship with a new little friend, we all get to enjoy her now...and I have a buddy left when my children are no longer here.
My life has been so chaotic for so long, the thought of taking on anything offering permanence has been immediately rejected by me during the last few years. I'm sure a psychologist could have a field day with that behavior. Ultimately, if I don't place any value on committing to anything, I can't get hurt. Well, ok. That's a stupid way to live one's life, right? I've been bold enough to fall in love again, and yes, I got hurt. I'm also a fighter; I'll be damned if I give up on that or anything else. When I recognize I'm making dumb decisions to protect myself, I look hard in the mirror and try to attack it. I'm also savvy enough to know life is about taking risks and finding value in the payoff; no matter how fleeting it might be.
So for now, I'm going to enjoy our newly redecorated home. And I'm going to love this new little furry friend. I love that she's a rescue pup - her mom was beaten when she was pregnant, and we get to help by providing a safe and loving home for her. She's a weird mix of chihuahua and some kind of terrier, and she's small and scrappy. Kind of like me.
I have a sneaking suspicion we are going to be good for each other.